V. wrote to me that you were crying over my letter. I am glad that you did, if your crying was crying in God, not because of the wounded pride. I sincerely wish you to “see your transgressions” and weep regretting them not only for three days running, but all throughout your life until the end, so that you do not weep for ever after the death.
Both our age and health condition suggest that our end is soon to come, when we have to appear before the impartial Judge Who knows our innermost. What will be his decision about us? What could justify us before Him? There is only one possibility to get proper evidence: during out life time, to come to the realization of our unworthiness before God and before people, to feel sincerely that we are void and useless, and life debtors to God, and therefore have no right to be demanding in relation to other people; and on acquiring full comprehension of this truth about ourselves, to beg for the absolution of our sins here and for the forgiveness of our unpayable debt. We should also tearfully and regretfully admit that we have prodigally wasted our spiritual and bodily forces and have been constantly offending God’s love; and beg the Lord that, after our death, He may, despite all our sins and errors, receive us in His mansions of the righteous, as He received the prodigal son. This is what we should care for.
Every night before going to bed, we should look through the events of the day assessing our behavior and regret all the violations of the commandments that we might have committed. We should likewise remember our past life and repent whatever sins we committed and continue repenting until we feel that the Lord has forgiven us. It is also important to ask the Lord to help us not to repeat these sins and not to offend Him and His Divine Will, revealed in His commandments, by the new ones.
We should fear lest we might offend our neighbor, as it is easier to make peace with God than with one’s neighbor. Try to be of humble disposition to all people and try, as far as possible, to be of service to other people; do not reproach, do not judge or accuse other people. Make peace with everyone, forgive other people’s failures, so as to have yours forgiven by the Lord. This is a term established by the Lord Himself: “If you forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your heavenly Father forgive your trespasses.” (Mt.6:14, 15)
Try now, as we have entered into the holy season of the Lent, to pull yourself together and to reconcile yourself with people and with God. Cry over your unworthiness and over your coming death, and forgiveness with hope for salvation will be given you. God will not despise a broke and contrite heart – no other sacrifice and works of charity would help you. “You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it; you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings. My sacrifice is a broken spirit…” As St. Isaak of Syria put it, who cries over his sins is higher than he who raises dead.
Fervently beg the Lord to grant you the most precious and most serviceable gift – the ability to see your sins and to cry over them. Who has got this gift has got everything.
May the Lord bless you and grant you a clear mind . Please convey my greetings and God’s blessing to all.
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