You appear to be regretting that your years pass by, that you are not settled in… Such thoughts are worldly thoughts coming from the Prince of the World. He is confusing you, infusing you with all kinds of fears; he continues to tell lies and nothing but lies, which ultimately gives him away, no matter what he may undertake.
What is the essence of Christianity? It is in that the Almighty and All-Knowing Creator of the Universe so loved humanity, so much cared for it and wanted its salvation that He gave His Only Begotten Son to suffer through infamy, the Crucifixion and death. The Lord takes care not only of humankind as a whole but of every individual, protecting each person against visible and invisible enemies, teaching everyone through other people and by books, different circumstances and by one’s own experience. If it takes a punishment to bring man to reason and to protect him against a greater trouble, He punishes mercifully, and afterwards, if this man duly accepts the punishment, God rewards him generously, as if regretting that He had to punish him. Those whose inner sight has opened will see the remarkable providence of God about man in all aspects concerning him. If God sacrificed for the sake of man the most precious what he had – His Son – is there anything He would not give, considering that the entire Universe cannot come into comparison with that Sacrifice? No, the Lord will not refuse to give anything, especially to those who are seeking Him and who are trying hard to fulfill His commandments, who weep over every sin, as a violation of His will as disrespect of Him, as an expression of their ingratitude and of the absence of their love for Him.
”And him that cometh to Me, I will in no wise cast out!” The Lord rejoices about anyone on the way to Him. His joy is much greater than mother’s when she rejoices about love of her child towards her.
This is why you needn’t be afraid of the future. God is with us today and will be tomorrow and unto ages of ages. Fear only to offend Him by this or that sin. But if, because of our weakness, we fall into something that is not good, let us repent, and the Lord will forgive us so long as we do not conscientiously commit the sin (want to commit it), do not justify it and do not grumble against God. Do not fear anything. Be of good cheer and put all your sorrows, perplexities, fears, insults from demons and people onto the Lord, Who is willing and Who knows how to deliver you from them, if this is going to be of benefit to you.
Do not trust yourself or other people. Put your trust in the Word of God, the Good News. Learn the Gospel by your life experience. Life in Christ will fully fill you with a comprehensive knowledge, with a spiritual joy and firmness so that the secular life will seem to you – and in fact it is such – meager, uninteresting, poor, miserable, full of vanity, of good-for-nothing squabbles and troubles, and often – of serious hardships. You are happy. Preserve this condition. Thank God for it; and He will reward your gratitude with pouring even greater mercy on you – as great as you can bear. Let it be so! May God bless and keep you safe!
* * *