Herewith I’ll try to solve your doubts regarding some issues.
1) Your “thoughts and feelings” are obvious to have been inspired by the enemy. The most effective means to get rid of them is to open them to a spiritual advisor.
2) Immediately at their coming, repeat saying “Lord, have mercy” or the Jesus Prayer. Better, say the first prayer until these devilish inculcations disappear.
Remember the words: “They (demons) surrounded me, but in the name of the Lord I pushed them away; they surrounded me like bees, but in the name of the Lord I will destroy them” We cannot do anything by our force. We must humble ourselves.
In the condition of a complete coldness and darkness of the soul, one must fulfil the “Rule” (sets of morning and evening prayers), despite coldness, absent-mindedness, etc. “Give blood and Receive Spirit.”
Each time when a sinner opens heart admitting his sins with sincere repentance, he becomes closer and dearer to the spiritual advisor/confessor. This is a well-known fact. Thinking otherwise is the result of the devil’s work – to frighten the sinner off confessing his sins.
Under no circumstances fall into despair and lose hope – this is worse and more dangerous than any sin. Despair and hopelessness lead to spiritual death and even to suicide. “There is no unforgiveable sin, except the unrepentant one.” Therefore, one should prayerfully seek forgiveness from God, Who has come not to perish, but save the fallen. According to God’s word, everything serves for the salvation of those who love Him. So why despair and lose heart? “Get a fall? – Get up; another fall? Get up again, and go on in his way until death.” These words belong to St. Sisoy the Great. Falls humble man; and without humbleness no good gift is possible for man to receive here. “God giveth grace to the humble,” just as “He hath regarded the low estate of his handmaiden.” We all have pride beyond any measure. Words will not suffice to make us humble. That is why God allows us to fall into all kinds of infamy, so that we might come to realization of our meagerness and disgracefulness. All that is good and beautiful is in God and comes to us through God. “Pull yourself away from the earth; approach God,” and He will console you both here and in the future life.
I congratulate you on the holidays. May the Lord allow you to pass them with peace at your soul and with gratitude to God Who loved us so much, and in irrevocable resolution never to betray God and not offend Him by sins, but rather showing Him some of your reciprocal love. Amen.
May the Lord keep you away from evil and safe against encroachments of the enemy. In your turn, do whatever you can; and God will do everything that is necessary for your salvation.
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