There is so much to say in response to your letter, but I will focus on the most important things. The wisdom of God is so great that even evil is turned by Him to serve for people’s good. The implications of this idea are revealed by many Holy Fathers. The point is this. The possibility for man’s salvation is offered by his faith and fulfilment all the commandments. The fulfilment of the commandments changes man’s psyche (soul), renewing him, making him a new man in the image of God, more precisely – in the image of the Savior Jesus Christ.
The basic characteristic feature of the “new man” is humbleness – “learn of Me for I am meek and lowly in heart,” – without which even the fulfilment of all the commandments will not only not bring man closer to God, but will turn the man into an enemy of God, because in the absence of humbleness, pride comes in. The following story, in my opinion, aptly describes the danger causing by pride to human soul: the Satan, being expelled into the world, wandering about, saw an empty house, well cleaned and decorated; occupied it together with seven other evil spirits, even angrier than himself, and settled down in it (human soul), which is much worse than just arrogance, taken alone.
St. Macarius of Egypt presents humbleness in comparison with other virtues in a parable about a luxurious dinner given in honor of the king and his escort of noble men. Because all the dishes were cooked without salt (humbleness), the king instead of thanking the host brought down his anger on him. The idea of the parable is that without humbleness, all other man’s virtues are good for nothing. Without humbleness, the soul will be occupied by pride together with seven demons – the passions. A man who is attentive to himself, who is constantly struggling against sins, will clearly see how seriously ruined he is and how deeply pride has permeated his nature. To overcome every opinion of oneself, one’s own vanity and arrogance is tantamount to overcoming sinfulness as such.
As it turns out, man’s falls can also help him acquire humbleness, if only he does not blame other people or circumstances for his falls, but blames only himself, which is correct. Man is always to blame; circumstances and the devil are subsidiary agents that assist luring man into committing sins, but the final decision belongs to man, which makes him fully responsible. Qualms of conscience felt by man after committing sin confirm this argument.
Struggling with sins inside himself and constantly falling into the temptation of different new sins, man comes to the knowledge – not theoretical but practical, through his own experience – of his spoilage and powerlessness, and little by little acquires humbleness. Always defeated by his sins, man, downhearted, ultimately appeals to God admitting wholeheartedly and tearfully his sinfulness and powerlessness to overcome it by himself and begging, like a leper: “God, if you will, you may clean me ,” I cannot do anything about it all by myself. Lord, save me; Lord, teach me to fulfill your will; Lord, free my soul from the dungeon.” This is when man perceives his need of the Savior, of His coming to the world and fully realizes the significance of His Crucifixion. At this moment, man also gets the knowledge of God’s generous mercy for the fallen humanity, as after man’s sincere repentance God protects man and cleanses him from the sins, heals the ulcer of his soul caused by sin; and man learns by his own experience about God and about His providence about humankind. Man also comes to realization that God is close to the downhearted, that He indeed is the Healer of our souls, and learns many other things about Him… In this way, sins, being evil, serve good. The remarkable Wisdom of God reveals itself here, as well as in many other ways.
So, my dear, do not lose heart, if you fall into some sin, repent it before God without blaming anyone for it, humble yourself, and realizing your all-out powerlessness ask the Lord to help you with the fulfilment of His commandments. This does not mean that you yourself should not undertake every effort to continue the struggle. You should go on fighting and learning the methods of fighting from the Holy Fathers. It is also necessary to foresee the circumstances, which of them lead to victory and which cause defeat and to avoid the latter while seeking the former; and above all, it is important to appeal heartily to God for help at every emergence of sinful desires, admitting your powerlessness to overcome the temptations all by yourself. Even if you have failed to resist the temptation and committed a sin, turn to God begging him without concealing anything: “God, see what I am doing, be merciful to me, help me and free me from the power of the devil.” As often as possible call on the Lord, weeping inwardly, to help you with everything in your life, because it is difficult indeed to fulfill His commandments amidst the worldliness of this world. For this reason, the Holy Fathers of old days were weeping about the life of the people of today, foreseeing that many of them would perish because of sins.
There is yet another powerful tool in the struggle against any sin: as soon as you fall into some serious sin hurry to your spiritual father to confess it. If this is impossible immediately afterwards, do it at first convenience, but never put it away till tomorrow and to an indefinitely later date. People who often and right away confess their sins prove that they hate sins, hate being enslaved by the devil; that they are ready to feel shame and embarrassment during the confession to get rid of the sin. God rewards such people not only with the redemption, but also with empowering them for further struggle and absolute victory over sin, which does not make them proud and think high of themselves because of that. Pay attention to that. (The devil’s net is everywhere.)
So, lay a good foundation: struggle as much as you can, don’t be discouraged by falls, but call on the Lord instead, try to foresee circumstances and avoid harm and danger, confess without delay to your spiritual father, acquire humbleness, recall the sins and trespasses – past and present – and the Lord will help you to become a skillful warrior of Christ, who in the future will be capable of helping others.
Do not give way to laziness. If laziness takes hold of you in one job, take up another one. Remember to observe a modest rule. Make it a daily habit at least once every hour – and if possible more often – to address the Lord and the Mother of God with a prayer asking for forgiveness and help. May the Lord, by the prayers of St. Sergius and other wonder-workers of Radonezh , help you. Take courage and don’t lose heart.
May the Lord bless and enlighten you for every good and protect you from all evil. Acquire humbleness and a weeping heart because of 9the sins. Make everything serve for your good. Whoever loves God (seeking God through the fulfilment of His commandments) gets everything for doing good. Go on with your fighting!
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